2003-03-24 - 1:44 a.m.

To My friend whom I care for deeply,

YOu know who you are. I have something to tell you but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm so afraid that you will be mad at me. It's not about Cole don't worry over that. It's about me and going to see my dad. It's more about me going to live with my father, but I get the feeling that you're picking up that vibe. I love you very much. But I can't stay here. My life is so stagnet and stale. I need change, and a way away from this pain. I want to tell you but every time I try to something inside me tell me you'll be angry at me. I'm scared that you will. I don't want to lose you. YOur the reason that I can believe in people. and can open up to people. I'm just deathly afraid that you'll be mad. Which I would understand completely. I just hope that your not. I love spending time with you. YOur the best friend I've ever had. I miss you and I'm not even gone yet.

I'm sorry. really I am I don't mean to hurt you or dissappoint you. This is the reason I have been so flaky. I'm just trying to spend lots of time with the people I love before I go away. I've never been very good at balancing my time. I'm sorry I'm a flake. I don't want to hurt you. But If I don't get out of here for awhile not forever, I'll sink back into myself again. I remember how that felt and I don't want to be there again, but I'm slowly doing it, I have to take a breather. I'm so scared to lose you over this. I don't mean to hurt you.

I'm sorry If I did. I'm sorry for being a flake and a coward. so sorry.

I just to be moving on, for awhile.

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