2013-02-25 - 3:13 a.m.

I'm up yeah I know it's fucking pityful(sp?) but oh well. I read his diary. I know he knows this. I never used to read it, but now, since he left I do. I have refrained from back tracking to the older entries from when we used to date, i only read current ones to see how much he despies me and try to figure out why. back tracking wouldn't help anyway it would just make me more upset. I wonder if he knows I have a page here, I wonder if he reads it, I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder what I did, it's not lack of self-esteem it's just wanting to know for my own peace of mind. It just hurts because i finally admitted it to myself that he was my best-friend, I just admitted it to myself to late.

It was almost like free falling and knowing you'd be caught. except relizing to late that you forgot to tell the person to catch you.

You know what I mean?

Anybody?

somebody?

I know somebody understands, but maybe you don't have the words for it.

I just wish I knew somebody was listening.

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