2013-02-20 - 1:41 a.m.

I never want to let anyone down.

I'm sorry If I do

I'm sorry I'm the way I am, If I were not things would be so much simpler.

Talking to the blonde angel, makes me happy and sad. I miss him. My life will never be normal. I am an asshole.

I'm just to stubborn to break down and call him. Or maybe it's that I'm afraid he'll rejsct me again and again. I'm betting It's the later. I Love him and sometimes I wonder If It's the kind of love that will never let me fully love somebody else. All I want to do is cry. Missing him for no good reason. Not missing the sex, missing laying in bed and listening to him breathe, listening to him talk, wathching him sleep, having him hold me. Those are the things I miss. but I don't think in fact I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be the same. I don't need him but I do want him.

as my mother says

And this too shall pass

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I don't think it will

at least I hope that the crying will

that the tears will stop because I'm running out

running out of everything

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